The Europe Tour

The sun is setting in Madrid. The sun is lasting longer every day and the weather is much warmer. Before I know it I will be back to working out in shorts and a t-shirt.

                I recently began having an issue with my hair. My grandmother first noticed it as she was washing and cutting my hair and said that it looked thinner, and when I returned to Madrid I noticed more was falling out than usual. As opposed to waiting until I got home to go to a doctor, I went to one here, who ordered blood work to be done. As usual, I was paranoid about foolish things, and put off having the blood work done for as long as I could. I finally went and had it done, with the help of my friend Meghan. When I completely blanked on all the Spanish I knew, she stepped in to assist, and the nurse dealing with us greatly appreciated this. (Upon being asked, in Spanish, my birthdate, I couldn’t even remember my real birthday in English, never mind Spanish. When it finally came to me, all I could get out was the word ‘agosto’. Meghan, thank goodness, spit out my birthday and laughed off my stupidity, along with the nurse). One thing about Madrid is the people I have become friends with are some of the most amazing people, and they put up with a lot of my crap, lovingly. Thank you Meghan, I would never even know my own birthday without you.

                Once the results of the test came in, the doctor sat down with me again to explain what they all meant (the results were in Spanish medical terms, and the doctor speaks beyond perfect English). Absolutely nothing was wrong. Everything, down to cholesterol and blood platelets was normal, some even better than normal. Then why is my hair falling out?!

                Unfortunately, life has a way of sometimes just throwing curve balls with no explanation. I have just barely begun to recognize that I cannot control everything, no matter how damn hard I try. ‘Relax!’ Jack always tells me. And as much as I hate admitting this, he is absolutely right. Reflecting back on it, when things seem to look wrong, sometimes everything really is okay.

                Spring Break starts next week, and I take off by myself for Porto, Portugal, Krakow and Warsaw, Poland, and Paris, France. Going solo, actually being alone and completely depending on myself for twelve days, making sure I make catch five flights and two trains, is a crazy thought, one I would have never given recognition a year ago. It is funny how people change, and how rapidly depending on the situation. But being stagnant and refusing to accept the changes you have gone through is not living; it is the beginning of death. It has taken me a long time to be happy with who I am, and I lost that happiness for some time this year. Fortunately, and for now, I got it back, but with work and having to own up to my mistakes. You live and you learn though, no matter what.

                If you asked me what I learned thus far during my freshman year of college, the thing that stands out to me most is that I tend to get lost easily. Not lost in the sense of directions (although my friends do indeed call me “directionally challenged” because I tend to never know where I am going, but I always end up where I am supposed to be) but lost in the sense that one minute I find myself confident about where I am going and the next I believe I am surely doomed.

                I like to assume that this is human nature, that society’s standards of constantly knowing what you want are wrong. Another lesson I learned is that I am difficult. Stubborn is a perfect word to describe me. But why can’t I be like that? What is it so unacceptable? Sometimes I do get myself in trouble because I refuse to give in, but it has also saved me enough times that I will continue to use it as a defense mechanism. Lastly, I learned that being perfect is foolish. And attempting to be perfect? It has thus far been a complete waste of my time.

                It is impossible to do things “the right way” all the time. On top of that, what happens when one person’s right way is another’s wrong?  Hurt is usually what occurs. That being so, what if for just one day we did not point out each other’s faults? It is a difficult thought to manifest, but it is doable. I guess I will have to try doing that.

                People always want honest. Be honest with me, honestly, blah, blah, blah. But then you are honest with them and it is never what they want to hear. I am dramatic, quick to react, unreadable. But you wanted honesty? I supplied, and you found that it was not to your liking. Albeit, something very weird ended up happening. I liked the honesty thing; it freed me and it killed everyone else. I sound very angry in this post, but I can assure you with the utmost honesty that I am not; in all actuality, I am writing this for myself, to remember where I come from.

                After yet another rant, what I want for myself in the future is to read these and be happy with where I am, even if everything I love has disappeared and I am completely alone, even if I have no home, even if I am at the lowest point in my life, even if I am on the verge of death. I want to find peace within myself, and be a safe haven for others. I will do only what I think is right, no matter what the consequences. I will conquer my dreams and will not deprive myself at the same time. Once I do leave Spain, I will not give up on having adventures, I will go back to Europe, or Asia, or Australia, wherever. I will get my motorcycle license and ride in the countryside, free. I will graduate college with honors; I will eventually be able to run a mile. I will be honest with everyone- even the people I fear will reject me. Because I know I am better off rejected than hiding who I am.

                If I did not believe in myself one hundred percent, I would flat out give up now and become a hermit. But have I done that? Absolutely not. Why? Because I will be the person I want myself to be, no matter how broken I become in order to do it. I am Alexandria Rose Colbert, and I am becoming the person I want to be.

I have a tendency to let myself become wrapped up in whatever life throws at me. Tonight was no exception. When I went to turn my laptop on today, it refused to do so. I figured it needed a battery charge, so I plugged it in. After waiting for a few hours, I turned on my laptop to see that it had not charged at all. The battery icon had a red “X” through it and stated, “No battery detected”. I had no idea what the problem was, and after playing with it for a while, I completely broke down. Becoming a sobbing mess, I thought of how this problem would be so simple at home. I could first go to Amanda, and then Jack, and he would take me to some store and we would have it fixed. All I could think of was where can I get a replacement battery, and how the hell do I say “replacement battery” in Spanish? When would I set out to do this? Why can’t it just work?

                I decided to try and get myself together and take out the battery, maybe it just needed a quick cleaning. If I could have seen the look on my face when I flipped over my laptop to discover the battery pack was missing. As Jesus music blared in my ears, I immediately looked up and knew God was saying, “Here’s your sign! You fool…” The battery pack had been in my backpack the whole time. I freaked for nothing.

                People who know me very well have a tendency to tell me to “take it easy”. It is days like today that proves their point.

                What have I learned? It is impossible for everything to go right all the time (not that it ever has). You really just have to sit back and enjoy the ride, and stop taking yourself so damn seriously. However, I can say proudly that even before this incident, I realized you can only go through life one day at a time. And even then, sometimes that does not work. I often find myself just having to close my eyes and think “Just get through the next sixty seconds, if you can do that you have conquered the day”. And I always conquer the day.

                I’ve noticed lately how crazy and overwhelming this world can become. The news gives us no hope- in the States, we have the whole Obama-drone scandal and the accusations that the Bush administration was secretly torturing people all over the world. In Spain the hot topic is that the President and followers were knee deep in “black money”.  Korea launched propaganda aimed at America (it depicts the attack of a U.S. city) and it is difficult to find somewhere to turn to for some relief from all this madness. Everywhere I look I see a huge lack of humans- you know them, they are supposed to be an intelligent breed of animals (I have trouble believing that statement is true). Even though they have been dubbed “animals”, I like to believe they still have the capability to feel. However, everyone has turned into mindless zombies, pardon the cliché, wandering around completely and utterly lost in a sea of constant chaos. And this has certainly caused them to clash with each other. There is no more respect amongst this breed; does anyone even know what respect is anymore?

                All this sadness, misery.

                I woke up this morning and went through my usual routine. My alarm goes off around six, and I lay in bed listening to music until half past. Get out of bed, wash-up, eat. After getting dressed I tend to leave for school, if, of course, I have classes. Today was obviously no different, but a spark ignited in me at some point. The weather has been beautiful as of late, and I was on my way home in between classes to make lunch. Could have been the usual pasta dish, but the spark declared that we would not be doing pasta today. Smiling, happy, I went to the supermarket and purchased an avocado, lemons, strawberries, and goat cheese. I came home and mashed the avocado, squeeze some lemon juice into it, and spread the concoction over toasted bread, then layered that with the strawberries and goat cheese. It was a big change from my usual, but it was delicious and refreshing. I looked out the window at the blue sky, littered with puffy clouds. The sun is wonderful at this time of year, and has been shining down continuously. Today, like every other day, is beautiful.  

                Last weekend I went to Toledo, the old capital of Spain, with some friends. The thing that makes this city special is that the natural beauty surrounding it is marvelous- the rivers themselves stunning. Even the architecture of the buildings and bridges seems to have been designed to assist the nature in maintaining its supreme façade. I enjoyed this day trip purely due to the landscape (although it was a lovely day overall, and I enjoyed my company). However, not everywhere in the world looks like Toledo does. How does one find this beauty? Well, there really are beautiful things all around you, if you look hard enough. The colors of the flowers on the corner, the cute puppy running in front of his owner, the couple that seems so intrigued and in love with each other. Even when you think all hope is lost in this world, you can find beauty in yourself; you just have to look for it and then accept it.

                Where am I going with this rant? Like my father says, I want to be the change I want to see in the world. I am by no means the most positive person around; I am pretty negative really. But my goal is to be more upbeat, a little less difficult to be around for those that have to put up with me. However, I believe this positive-ness can come only when I lose the chains and bonds of this world and the fear that comes with it. One day, one hour, one minute at a time, no matter what, I will be okay. You will be okay. Faith and perseverance is essential in the uphill battle we affectionately call life. And no one, no one, is perfect (in case you forgot). I make mistakes daily, and when I stop and look back on them I question what I was thinking. But life is not reserved for regrets and casualties, so why ponder them?

                In this life, you get what you give. If all you can give is negative energy, why not try and change? If all you can do is press other people to try and make yourself feel better, why not try and change? If all you can do is hold grudges, why not just let them go? Are you really okay with being angry forever? Or vengeful? It will make you sick, trust me. And at the end of the road, when it comes down to it, you will regret the nasty feelings you harbored, the happy moments you let pass by, the people you pushed away. It isn’t easy to change, but I will try and give my all. But I’m not changing for you, I’m changing for me. I hope that as a result I am a friendlier, kinder human being.

                Have you ever had various moments of clarity that come so quickly, one after the other, that it is almost difficult to decipher or even understand them? I was checking the weather for Toledo this weekend because I was thinking about a day trip, and I glanced at the weather for Madrid. There is a possibility of snow tonight, but it is more likely to be rain. The weather said it had already started getting cloudy, and I grumbled about how my usual walk would be particularly miserable this evening. As I approached the window at the front of the apartment, I noticed the sun beginning to set; that time of the day where it still burns as brightly as it can but you know the giant gas ball is getting tired (to put it simply). The sky was a lovely blue, and the rows of apartments across the way had clouds hanging over them in the background. I took a moment to indulge in the sight, and happened to tilt my head upwards. The moon had already made its appearance and was in perfect alignment with the rest of my view. It was literally breathtaking, and for that one minute I had nothing running through my mind. Before I snapped a picture, which does not even hint at the magnitude of the moment, I realized that these lapses of time where you are blown away, this is what life is really about.

                I feel good being back in Madrid. I am settling into classes and back into my routine, something I have prided myself on adjusting to so rapidly. Not much to say as far as that goes, besides the fact that I am happy to be getting three square meals a day. I think about my lifestyle in Spain as opposed to my lifestyle in the States. I’m a lot more organized in Spain, I eat healthier, I even exercise here. I am encouraged that I can replicate my routines back at home, and by establishing them abroad I have a good chance at keeping them. After the New Year, my goal was to be more organized and focused, however I find that even though I like living in an organized fashion, most other people really do despise it. And when one begins to focus solely on their responsibilities, it leaves little room for traditional shenanigans that were once tolerable. I find that during this time in one’s life, it is lovely to be “free” (free in the sense of being as reckless as possible, not free in the sense of doing what YOU as a human being actually want to do), but I am not spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to be “free”. I am spending this money to develop into the person I want to see myself become, and how I see myself is not how the rest of you see me.

                I had a cousin, Stephanie, who I wasn’t supremely close to, pass away semi-recently. At her memorial service this summer, I was able to mingle with cousins and family I don’t see often, and on this day I may have learned, or been told for that matter, the most brilliant advice ever. Maybe it was the setting, mourning the death of a young woman taken by cancer, or maybe it was her personality, best described as fiery. It could have been my cousins, the ones that, in a sense, gave me permission to do as I please in this life. They may never know how encouraged I was by what they said, which was something to the effect of life is too damn short to waste on others you don’t hold to a high accord. Doing as you please is a must, no matter if the entire world is staunchly against you. Stephanie lived her life this way, and my cousins live their lives this way. The evidence of these revelations being true was on their faces, because even during a time where they had permission to be sulky, they were happy, more than willing to give me a little guidance to make my journey forward a wee bit easier than theirs. I sometimes forget the advice, but when I do recall it, the flame grows stronger inside me. I have literally just this life to impact the world as I see fit, and, most importantly, to make myself happy.

                You may be thinking, this is simple advice. Of course it is, but this is only simple advice if one purposely choices not to live by it. It is ten times easier to let negative people influence and consume you, and it is surely less of a hassle to do what everyone else wants of you. Then you have the ability to blame your miserable life on the rest of society and those around you. The advice becomes not so simple when you take responsibility for everything and anything in your life, and actually form your habits around it. I owe a huge thank you to Amy and Jamie for sharing the wisdom with me, and for creating in me a will to be a better person – for me.  

                As I looked out into the sky today, soaking up as much of it as I could, I looked into the deep blue sky and said “Thank you Jesus”. He has provided amply, and I am more than grateful. When I feel the world coming against me, I know I’ll be fine, He’s by my side. And although I am far from the perfect child, and will never be a perfect child, I just like knowing I am His child. So, at this point in time I am very encouraged. I will live my life without the restrictions of others. I will love unconditionally the people that deserve it, and I will devote time to those I see fit. But, I will work on myself in the process. As an ever-changing creature, I am no longer going to stand idly by and let others dictate my life. In the words of Tom Petty, “Well I know what’s right, I got just one life. In a world that keeps on pushin’ me around, but I’ll, stand my ground. And I won’t back down”. Rock on ladies and gentlemen.

Finally, I am able to update my outdated blog. Since my last installation, a lot has happened. If I remember correctly, I did not write about Italy, or Ireland. I have had finals, traveled home to Boston and back to Madrid, celebrated Christmas and rung in the New Year. My head is spinning from the inability to get back on this time zone (I typically fall asleep around two in the morning, and then wake up somewhere between eight a.m. or twelve p.m. As you can tell, my sleep schedule is not yet where I want it). Other than that, my adjustment back into Madrid is smoothing out.

One of my “resolutions” this year is to be as honest as I possibly can. Although I have already faltered (I know, that was quick, but I wanted to be honest with you that I was not honest!) there is no sense in giving up. So, as part of my honesty, and as difficult as this is to admit, coming back to Madrid the second time proved much more difficult than the first time. Jack, and Amanda, had the pleasure of listening to me sob over Skype moaning that I wanted to come home, and keep in mind it was my first night back in Madrid. Thankfully, I have gotten over that slight hump, and I am grateful to be back in my beloved city. However, it intrigues me to question- do I wish to return next semester?

It is a difficult question to answer, and will take time and effort to hopefully come to a conclusion. I was positive that I would spend two years in Spain, if not more- and now my future is again up for decision. That is life though, and attempting to avoid and shove down one’s feelings is a recipe for disaster. Until I need to make the decision though, I have a lot to look forward to this semester. This weekend is the welcome trip to Sevilla, which I have been anticipating since the closing dinner last semester. Classes start next Wednesday, and I am more than ready to begin the semester. The prospect of traveling is also alluring- where my next trip will be I have not decided, but Poland is looking very good.

Due to the fact that I have written blog entries, just never uploaded them, I will post them now. Without further ado, the following is a snippet of what life in Madrid has been like these last few months. Keep in mind that even though it is hard to believe, I change on a daily basis. You can see this between blog entries- sometimes it is hard to believe I am still the one writing these. Enjoy the following readings, but remember that human beings are indecisive people, with complicated emotions and needs. I am no exception.

**Written sometime during late November, early December**

                I haven’t written an entry in some time, so I figured this would be one of the few instances where I could just create an entry so spattered with the past month that it almost makes little sense.  As I have said in the past, I like to be open and honest in my blog (because after all, it is mine) and I am on a journey that will pave the way for my future. Where am I going with this? I want everyone to know that I am not a perfect person. I make a lot of mistakes, but I regret none of them. Because in the end, I learn something from each one of them, and if I tried my hardest to stop making mistakes, I would stop learning. If I had the ability to be perfect like everyone else, then what would be the point of continuing on in this journey? To recap, as you read this, or any of my other entries, cut me some slack. I am not you, and that is a good thing, but it gets tiring when everyone just wants you to live in the mold.

                When this blog was born, a mere three or four months ago, it was to keep my family and friends at home updated on what was going on in Spain. But over time, this became mine. I no longer write this to update people; really, it is so I can go back and look at the little milestones in my everyday life. A few days ago, I became suddenly fearful about life. What is going to happen to me? Where will I go? But I gave myself some time to work out these emotions, and I discovered that I let my life pass me by. In no time I will be back in Boston, finishing college. But right now, I have a freedom that I may never have again. I get to make decisions, and I do not have to consult anyone about it. That is an incredible feeling few people know. And I am not talking about big decisions, just the little ones that we take for granted. I was walking today, after taking the wrong bus to get home, and was trying to find the metro. I was on a huge road, but it felt like I was on the outskirts of the city. As I tried desperately to figure out where I was, I glanced to my right. There was an iron gate, which was surrounded by bushes and trees, and when I looked past the bushes and trees there was a long, beautiful green lawn that lead up to a palace. I stopped and moved towards the gate and peered at the landscape. My heart said, ‘how do we get down from the sidewalk so we can walk up the hill to the back of the palace?!’ But my brain said, ‘Keep going, it is already four o’clock and you haven’t eaten yet today. We are tired, just go to the metro!’ The nice thing about being in Madrid, though, is that I learned to tell my brain to shut up. My heart is in control, and surprisingly, it makes great decisions.

                I looked around to see how I could get down to the path, and I found that although the gate wasn’t open, the side of it was. I walked down a few stairs until I got to a terrace, and I just reveled in the moment. I walked down another set of stairs, and although I didn’t walk up to the palace, it was cool to just be down there, looking around, being curious. As it turns out, I was not that far from the city center, and I hopped on the metro and was home in less than a half hour. I plan on going back to those gardens (upon further investigation, it turns out I was in a giant garden), hopefully tomorrow, so I can walk up to that palace. When I was there today, my mind thought about nothing. I just stood there, silently.

                At this time last year I was a senior in high school worrying about college and where I would be at the end of the process. I constantly thought about my friends, and if we would grow apart. Or if I would even make new friends in college. Now I worry about very little, I see now that almost everything seems to take care of itself over time.

                I have been reminded as of late that I was provided an incredible chance to rediscover myself and pave the way to reinvent myself as well. Coming to Spain I felt little fear to move on from my old life, and I really feared having to come home. Now I am absolutely fearless; going ‘home’ will be as simple as going to Spain because no matter where I am, I have proved to myself that I have what it takes to make it. I ensure my safety and well-being all while being separated from my family and friends for months at a time. I do not envy the people who have the ability to see their families on the weekends; having to be here by myself has allowed me to love my family even more than when I left, and I have figured out on my own what it takes to make ME happy. Yes, me!

                Although the ones I love are back at home, I am finding new and exciting people to call friends (and family). Thanks to a friend, I was able to join an English speaking church, Life Tabernacle. After attending multiple services I have greatly enjoyed it, and appreciated their warm and welcoming assistance. I miss my church family very much, but I am starting another family in Madrid. Once services had ended a few Sundays ago, I was invited to a surprise baby shower for a woman I had introduced myself to at church, but I cannot say I knew her very well. I accepted the invitation anyways, and I am extremely happy that I did. The experience I had was one of the greatest I have had since my arrival. Within minutes of being at the party, I was no longer an outsider. Often times, when I am with a group of people, I cannot help but feel who I truly am: an American. The thought continues to arise: You were not born here. You do not speak the language. You do not know the customs. But at this baby shower, I was not American, nor was I Spanish. I was just human. Open arms welcomed me, and I was able to socialize and even meet people new to church from other parts of the world. In this brief encounter I was part of a family, one different than I was used to. But we were all one; just people, all equals, with nothing to differentiate us.

                I also realized how anal I was when I first got to Madrid. If I wasn’t on a similar schedule day after day, I felt completely out of the norm. For example, I had to shower every single night after dinner. I remember even saying to someone that I need to “wash off the filth” of the city. Besides fuel emissions, although public transportation is widely used in the city, there is not much “filth” to be found. Madrid is exceptionally clean for a city that 3.3 million people call home. As a result of my daily shower, I realized my hair was drying out and becoming lifeless from constant washing, and I was just generally in the bathroom longer than I needed to be. I find that now I do not need to shower every day, nor do I need to do it at a set time anymore. I know the shower rant is becoming redundant, but my point is I am continuing to acclimate to my new life on a daily basis. Figuring out how to involve family and friends in everyday communications, along with keeping up with news from back home, are still in the works, but are a vital part to my survival. I feel freer since I first arrived, even though I thought that was impossible. Not only does my hair thank me for these acclimations (it is indeed healthy again, and the longest it has been since around sophomore year) but I appreciate life a little more when I don’t worry so much.

**Written in mid-November**

                Last weekend I finally went to Rome. When I was little, I used to wonder what Italy was like, partly because I knew my grandparents were always going, and at some point in my life I had seen a show or movie about Italy. It almost brings me to tears thinking that I was there, in the country my ancestors called home. When the plane touched down, and I looked over the terrain, it was exactly what I thought it would be. Being there for a few days, I realized how easily I adjust to new places now. I can sleep in another bed and actually sleep. In the past, even when I was with my family, it would take me forever to fall asleep in another place. Now it only takes a few minutes and I am totally out. That was one of the tests of Madrid- can you let go and just live? Can you go to a new place and let down your guard, feel the city run through you, then move on? I like to believe I am passing the test, but it is unlikely I will ever see my score.

                While in Rome, I did as the Romans. I drank out of the fountains on the side of the road (that is what they are there for, after all) and had wine with meals. I walked down cobbled streets on a lazy Saturday when I discovered that I couldn’t get into St. Peter’s Basilica for Mass. (Actually, I realized afterwards that I should have asked someone waiting in line for what I figured was a special Mass for a ticket, because little did I know the Pope himself was giving the Mass! I did return to the Vatican and was able to watch him on the screen outside St. Peter’s). I nodded at the nuns and priests, walked slow. I closed my eyes when I got tired, and I found peace in the chaos of the people. Rome had a charm that washed away my concerns when I was moving from place to place. Seeing the Trevi Fountain, throwing in some pennies, putting my hand in the water, then climbing the Spanish steps, eating endless amounts of pizza. Having the ability to see the Colosseum at night with the moon over it, and walking alongside the river. The little things made the trip worth it, and, I have realized that it will be the little things that make life glorious as well.

                The weekend before Rome I was in Malaga, a city in Spain that is on the coast. The weekend was more of a spa weekend- I sat in the steam room, sauna, and pool for the majority of the time. I got to see where Picasso was born and go to the museum that houses some of his work, although on the way there the group was caught in torrential rains, and it would have been fun to play in if I didn’t have my phone (that is precious cargo you know). We also went to a Hammams, which was the absolute highlight of the weekend. A Hammams is kind of like a Roman bath, except you do not actually get into a pool. Instead, it is hot, and there is an area where you can pour water on yourself, another area where you can lay on warm stone, and cold showers (using the hot water, warm stone slabs, and cold showers circulate blood in your body, hence the reason for varying degrees of temperature. I was also able to have an exfoliating massage while I was there, and it was the best massage I will probably ever get (how often do I get massages though?). Out of all the things I have done since I got to Madrid, the Hammams was by far one of the best experiences I have had. Malaga itself was a great trip, and I was more than happy that I had been able to go.

**Written in January**

                Dublin. A city that I visited as a child but vaguely remembered in comparison to the country sides of Ireland. I got my chance to go back to the city before I returned home for winter break. At first, I will admit, I was homesick. I questioned during the first day why I had not just gone straight home like most of my friends, and I was missing my family dearly. After exploring for a while, and going to the National Archeological Museum, I returned to my hostel and decided that I would go to the Cliffs of Moher the next day. For those of you who do not know, during my first trip to Ireland my family and I spread my late grandfather’s ashes at the Cliffs, and returning to them was as symbolic as it was touristy. I made arrangments at my hostel, who set me up on a tour not only of the Cliffs but of parts of the country as well. Seeing as I needed something to preoccupy my mind and keep my mind off home, I decided that the early start in the morning would help and being busy until the night was perfect. I slept just fine that night, and was very relaxed when I rolled over in bed the next morning and shut off my alarm. I woke up less than fifteen minutes before I needed to be at the bus, and it was a ten minute walk to the bus itself. I got ready as fast as I could, then found the closest taxi. Thankfully he was able to get me to the bus on time, but on the way there asked me whether or not I had watched the news last night. He was referring to the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School, and in this moment, under the scrutiny of an Irishman, I took into consideration how my country looked to outsiders. Everyone I talked to about it was sympathetic, but I could not help but wonder whether or not they saw me as a murder too. My concerns were quickly dismissed, and I appreciated the support from others around the world.

                After arriving to the bus, we set off into a wonderful day. We saw many tourist attractions along the way, but it was nice just to drive and see the life of those outside of Dublin. I had an excellent breakfast and lunch, and finally arrived at the Cliffs later in the day. The driver warned the bus not to go close to the edge of the Cliffs, and to avoid the mud. Thankfully, I did both, slipped in the mud, and was little more than four feet from tumbling off the edge. With a ruined pair of pants and wounded pride, I left the Cliffs appreciating my experience and being able to return to see my grandfather. It was the highlight of the trip.

                I had a few days left in Ireland, and another amazing part of the trip was seeing Mumford and Sons in concert. All I can say is that they were incredible, just like everyone said. And since it was their second to last stop on this particular tour before returning to England, the crowd was nuts and the guys feed into it. Even though I was by myself, it was truly one of the best nights of my life. I shortly packed up my things and headed home to the States for vacation, but my return to Ireland was a wonderful trip, and in my eyes, absolutely epic.